


Again

by Shepard_Shakedown



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: F/M, Time Travel
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-05
Updated: 2019-03-20
Packaged: 2019-07-07 05:35:47
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 6
Words: 14,899
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15901926
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shepard_Shakedown/pseuds/Shepard_Shakedown
Summary: There was no running this time. She felt herself shiver as the god dragged a finger down her cheek.“I can taste it on you little hare." She felt the God's words echo through her. "You regret this."“Yes." She breathed the necklace on her throat humming as the god pulled it from beneath her armor.“Then do it again.” The god ordered clasping it in her fist.





	1. Start

**Author's Note:**

> So the beginning of the rewrite starts.

Of the side effects of removing the mark she hadn't been expecting this one. Death? Yes. Missing an arm? Sure. Tranquility even was higher up on the list. Facing down the blighted remains of a god hadn't even made the list. Watching as the god walked closer red sparking off of her, dead eyes long since blinded by lyrium raking over her as if they could see. But they couldn't. Could they?

Ellana could feel the magic radiating off her like it had with Solas’ focai. She could hear the call of the tainted lyrium too. It was suffocating. She never should have tried to follow Solas. One last mistake that had left her here.

There was no running this time. She felt herself shiver as the god dragged a finger down her cheek.

“I can taste it on you little hare." She felt the God's words echo through her. "You regret this."

“Yes." She breathed the necklace on her throat humming as the god pulled it from beneath her armor.

“Then do it again.” The god ordered clasping it in her fist.

Her bones lit on fire beneath her skin. The taste of blood in her mouth and fear beneath her skin and falling.

She gagged bile joining the tang of blood in her mouth be and she cursed the gods. Whatever god would listen. She hadn't been a holy person before and she wasn't now. But the woman in the fade, Mythal, Solas… Andraste's tits.

She reached for the amulet beneath her shirt only to feel the cuffs around her wrists. It wasn't there. She knew that. She couldn't feel the uncomfortable heat of the stone beneath her shirt like she had everyday for five years but she couldn't help but make sure. She took in her surroundings and cursed.

“Do it again." The God's words echoed in her head.

Who says that? Hadn't she done her time? She'd fucked up everything. Lost everyone she cared for. She'd resolved to do something right and stop solas and now she was being sent back like it was some sort of sick game. Like she owed whoever had sent her back something.

She was back to glaring daggers at Cassandra. Back in chains. Back with the memories of what she'd fucked up and no proof to back up any of it. She was the same scrawny mage she was when the conclave blew up. Only she still felt the phantom pain of the amulet beneath her shirt reminding her she couldn't turn back time. That every choice she made was final. A hard truth proven false.

She'd been wrong. Maybe it had been andraste in the fade. Maybe she really had been sent to save them. Maybe all gods made exceptionally bad decisions all the time. Because choosing her as a champion was one. It had been Justinia behind her first but this time… it could be anyone.

She sucked in a breath ignoring cassandra's yelling. Had the chantry's dungeon always been this drafty? Better yet what kind of chantry has a dungeon? Wasn't their whole spiel about peace and all that? Then again they were in this situation because the mages finally recoiled under abuse. Or rather Anders had and the others had followed.

Cassandra grabbed her wrist pulling it up to her face forcing her back to the present. “Explain this elf!"

She let the breath she was holding out. Her mind still buzzing from the magic of being thrown through time and the god that had sent her back. “Fenhidis lasa.” She looked up at the ceiling trying to decide her words. “That is the result of failing to save the Divine from a stupidly dangerous artifact.” She avoided looking at the anchor.

It was Leliana that spoke first. "An artifact blew up the conclave?” She moved closer. “What sort of artifact? What could possibly cause this?”

“What I remember of the conclave is fuzzy at best.” It had been years since she crawled out of the rubble and she could feel the hole left by demon taking her memories again. She'd written a report about the events after they'd killed it the first time. The Divine had called to her for help and she'd interrupted the ritual Corypheus and the wardens had started. “I don't know much about the artifact. It has something to do with the veil.”

Cassandra dropped her cuffs and paced. “What are you talking about? What happened to the Divine?”  
  
She shook her head. “I… When I went to Justinia she was calling for help. I walked in on someone using her as sacrifice in some sort of ritual with the artifact. I gave her an opening to interrupt it and when the artifact rolled to me…” She held her breath as she suppressed a flare of pain from the mark.

Cassandra paced impatient. “And after that? You're stalling." Leliana rested a hand on her shoulder.

“You know what happened after that. I was an idiot. I didn't recognize what it was so I picked it up. It gave me this.” She waved her hand. She sighed dropping it to her lap. "Then it tore open the veil and I remember running for my life… a woman in the fade sent me back... There was so much fear at the conclave,” She whispered gripping the fabric of her pants. ", And the fade reflects.” Andraste or whoever she was. There was no doubt they'd chosen wrong. Maybe she'd just been in the wrong place at the wrong time. Maybe she was a last ditch effort when all else failed but she’d do something with her second chance. She'd try harder.

Leliana and Cassandra shared a look. Neither looked like they fully believed her but it wasn't important. What was important was used her like they did last time. She probably should have lied like she did before. But she was a horrible liar.

“A woman?"

“It's still there isn't it. The tear." She pushed herself up onto her feet.

“Yes." Cassandra admitted.

She held the cuffs out to Cassandra. “Then you should bring me to it. This mark if it it created the tear should be able to close it.” She knew it could close it. Closing the rifts had been the only thing she'd done right last time.

Cassandra and Leliana shared a look. Cassandra's expression skeptical. Leliana's tired. “What choice do we have Cassandra?"

The seeker let out a heavy sigh. “None. If she's right and it can close the breach perhaps not all is lost.”

"And if I'm wrong no one will blame you for trying and I will die from the mark.” Ellana finished. “There's a hole in the veil. Spirits are corrupted easily by this world.” It was possible probably for her to change things so they didn't happen like last time. She'd mess up something different for sure but if even one person she cared for could get out of this alive. But she needed Cassandra to give her an opportunity first. “I want to help seeker.”

“I will escort the prisoner to the breach.” Cassandra reached for her cuffs. “I hope you are not lying about this elf."

“Ellana.” She cut in. “You’re not alone in that hope. I've seen far too much death to lie, but I won't beg for you to believe me.”

Cassandra had taken to explaining how the breach affected people like she had last time. Guiding her through people that blamed her for everything. They were right to but they didn’t know that yet. “The people believe you are guilty..."

“I am seeker. Not intentionally but enough that it isn't misplaced.” She kept her eyes forward. As cassandra cut her free.

“Most would not admit that so freely."

“Admitting when you've messed up isn't a fault.”

The trip forward was quieter than last time punctuated by demons and distrust. She didn't hide her magic this time and she didn't argue either. She just went along with whatever cassandra wanted and answered any question sent her way. They were close to where Varric and solas had been when she made up her mind to tell her there’d been a third party at the conclave.

"You should know. I don't think it was the mages or the Templars that caused this but someone looking to profit off the chaos Justinia's death would cause.”

Cassandra’s steps faltered. “You are certain of this?"

“Yes. Everyone at the conclave I spoke to wanted the fighting to stop and most cared for her.” She flinched as the breach sent more pain up her arm. “I honestly don't think either faction did this." She kept her eyes trained on the breach.

“That is… Reassuring in some ways. Disturbing in others.” She admitted. “I want to believe Justinia’s peace was possible. But if not the mages or templars who would do this?”

“There are people that build fortunes on chaos. No one good would want this.”

Varric reacted much the same way he had before; Slack jawed and struggling to keep her name off her lips while Solas introduced himself. She weighed admitting she knew Varric or going along with his plan to pretend they hadn't met. It hadn't exactly backfired but it had been the beginning of list of lies that had kept growing. Knowing who solas really was wasn’t something she wanted to deal with but Varric she could probably get away with.

She murmured a thanks to solas for her life before turning to varric. “It’s been a while huh, Varric?” she attempted a smile that didn't reach her eyes. He raised a brow courting her in a silent conversation. “There’s no point lying. Either i die or this bites us in the ass later.”

“I mean this could bite me in the ass now Ellana.” he rolled his shoulders sighing. “But yeah it's good to see you again."

She shook her head turning to Cassandra. “Before you say anything. He didn't know I was at the conclave. I was supposed to be in the free marches.” She didn't have to look at Varric to know he was rolling his eyes.

She frowned. “That… Why am I not surprised that you are at the center of things again dwarf.”

“Hey! You brought me here seeker." He protested.

"I had hoped you would tell your story to the Divine. But that is no longer possible.” she groaned. “And now with Ellana..."

“If I may seeker.” Solas interrupted. “I don’t think either of them are involved. The magic that created the breach is beyond any I’ve ever seen. Varric has no magic and while your prisoner is a mage, I can't see any mage having the capacity for it.” Solas started.

“I don’t believe Varric was involved in this Solas. But Ellana has already admitted to creating the breach.” Cassandra sighed. Solas blinked.

“I’m sorry. You did what Ellana?!” Varric turned on her.

“I told her I created the breach and how.” She shifted in place waiting for cassandra to contradict her.

“It has yet to be proven.” Cassandra continued. “But her explanation… It is possible. I don’t see another way the conclave could have been destroyed.”

“You're joking right? Explanation?” Varric shook his head. He looked to her for a sign the seeker was lying. He turned back to the seeker. “She’s a healer Cassandra. What explanation could possibly make her at fault. Ellana?”

She shook her head. “You’ll see at the breach. The fade reflects even if the image is marred by perspective.”

“Faust, what the heck is that supposed to mean?” Varric demanded.

She didn’t answer choosing to keep quiet all the way to the breach only speaking up to nudge them down the mountain path. Doing things again... Knowing she would mess up the inquisition... She wanted to go home. She wanted to crawl back to Kirkwall and pretend Anders hadn't blown up the chantry. That the biggest drama she had was cheating at wicked grace and pretending she felt nothing for him. Why couldn't the god have sent her further back? Why couldn't she have avoided the conclave altogether?

She’d expected Varric’s cursing when they reached the breach. He wouldn't have anticipated the red lyrium. He’d muttered quiet reminders not to touch it as they passed wondering why it was there. She knew but he’d be skeptical if she tried to explain it so she kept quiet. She’d also expected the yelling and finger jabbing in her direction about the fade projection.

  
Cassandra’s reaction was different. “The fade reflects. A memory of an event tainted by how it was experienced. It's true to someone.” Ellana fidgeted. "It's likely my memory.”

“I didn’t believe you before. But it's true isn’t it.” She watched the projection fade. “The divine…”

Ellana fidgetted. “I’m sorry.”

Cassandra shook her head. “You went to her when she called. You tried.” She gripped her arms. “You said you believed the mark could close this. How?”

She touched cassandra’s shoulder. “Well I was going to try the same thing as last time and hope I didn't die. With the one I can actually reach I mean.” She stared up at the rift. “It’s all going through the one I opened first.” She could see Solas nod in agreement from the corner of her eye easing Cassandra’s doubts.

Stabilizing the breach had taken longer the first time. She’d had no idea what she was doing then. She knew now. Shed closed hundreds of rifts. She’d closed the breach itself. Fought countless demons. This was nothing different. She watched the rift collapsed in on itself like it had the first time and she fell.

She'd never been comfortable with people revering her but it was part of playing the role. She could deny she was Andraste's herald to the end of the earth and people would still believe she was. She wasn't even sure anymore. The blighted god in the fade after she'd followed Solas. It could have been her. It could have been anyone. It could have been a spirit for all she knew. Had it even happened?

It was an easy to fall into the routine of flitting from advisor to advisor as needed. It wasn’t like they needed her; Just the Herald of Andraste. She had practice playing the part. The paperwork side of it was preferable to the diplomacy. She had an efficient system of sorts to separate priority work from work that could be delayed. The inquisition had been a cabinet for paperwork no one wanted to do across Thedas before and now was no different. It was a familiar dance sorting through pages. She’d even offered to help Josephine reply to nobles and drafting arrangements for the Inquisition this time. Her script wasn’t nearly as neat as the ambassadors but it was legible; Light looping cursive.

Josephine had tried to introduce her to a few nobles the first time. She’d declined then. Nobles tended to need their egos coddled or they they became difficult. Now it seemed like a perfect distraction. Drafting agreements to use land and reaching out to the families of the fallen could delay the inevitable. It could push back the letter she knew she needed to write but was dreading. The one she owed to the man she left behind. She’d have to borrow one of leliana's ravens to send word up north. But it was the least she could do when she’d left him like she had; For slipping out into the dead of night while he mourned the death of a flawed man.

Cullen and Cassandra had dragged her around too a few times mostly for troop morale. But she found herself offering suggestions and pointing out places that demons had gathered last time as well. They’d been Impressed but she’d rejected their praise. She wasn’t some great tactician just regurgitating facts they’d told her much later. Pointing out problem areas before they happened seemed like a good use of her second chance.

The only new idea she put forth was setting up talks between the inquisitions mages and templars. There had been too much friction last time even after the breach had been closed. She doubted it would go anywhere but she wanted to try to continue Justinia’s work if she could. It had been more help than she expected. She'd shut down the idea that either of them were to blame early and stated neither group benefited from the Divines death. After that they'd lain their complaints on the table themselves. She'd nudged them towards common ground and to an extent it worked. There wasn’t trust between them in any sense of the word. But they weren't at each other's throats. They'd moved to a more passive distrust. It was a small victory even if it didn't feel like one.

Mother Giselle’s letter came earlier than she expected. Haven had barely settled before a messenger delivered it Leliana. Cassandra had pushed for them to leave quickly to meet her. Ellana had agreed. The crossroads would only get worse without the inquisitions interference. Even if it meant forcing herself to send the letter she’d rewritten at least twenty times. She only hoped he wouldn't show up at Haven.

Dear Garrett Hawke,

I know you're still mad at me for leaving but I need to write you. Part for my own sanity and part because what happened at the conclave affects you. I’ll spare you my own drama because it's not important. I will say one thing. I know you don't want to hear it but I’m not sorry I went to the conclave in your place. Call me selfish and hate me all you want. I’m happy enough to know you’re still alive.

First thing, I'm sure you’ve heard of the breach. The giant hole in the sky you can see from farther away than you should be able to. It’s bigger than they say it is. There’s a way to close it completely but it’ll take time before the inquisition has the resources for it. For now it’s stable and the smaller active tears are taking priority. What concerns me is what surrounds it. There’s red lyrium everywhere. I know Varric has probably written you about it but there's more to it than he knows yet. It’s blighted. It's why the 'song’ corrupts those around it. It’s like it mimics an archdemon only it calls to anyone not just darkspawn. I haven’t found the words to explain how I know. It’s complicated like everything involving the breach.

Second, when the breach was closed we heard the echo of what happened. I recognized the voice. I don't think Varric did but it sounded like Corypheus. I know you killed him but the more I think of it the less certain I am that he really is dead. The wardens had him in that prison for a reason. Maybe he’d found some kind of immortality? And looking back you said Lanarius was acting strange when it was over. Too strange. Maybe I'm imagining things. Maybe I had a weird fever dream. I'm going to look into it. I don't want him to be behind this. I want him to be dead but the paranoia that I’m right its too strong to ignore.

Varric is holding up but it obvious that the red lyrium at the temple shook him. I’ll do my best to look out for him. I know he means a lot to you.

Be safe,  
Ellana L. Faust

 


	2. Worry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The letter with arl Teagan's seal came after they left. It was a short letter that was little more than a formality. He was trusting her and she better not disappoint him.

She’d insisted they travelled off the main path the further they got from Haven. The roads had been overrun by bandits, toll collectors, and others profiting off the war. That wasn't mentioning the templars that had harassed Solas last time. She was avoiding the main roads until the fighting moved away from Haven. Varric had complained about the decision but that was nothing new.

Varric hated the Hinterlands. It was all hills and dirt. The thaig of red lyrium didn't help. He’d grumbled the entire time they were there last time and now. But he'd insisted on tagging along. He’d explained it off as the years spent being Hawke’s friend. He could stop Hawke from bringing something ridiculous home if he tagged along. Like the time he tried to adopt a giant spider he'd named Puppy. As if that would fool Varric. She’d been there for a few of them laughing in the background. It was always entertaining to hear him retell it. 

He’d launched into story after story about the things Hawke tried to bring home unprompted. One of which nearly included a talking tree. His current tale involved the time Hawke bought a dragon infested mine and had taken some convincing to actually remove the dragons from it. 

“He wanted to keep them!” Varric threw his hands up. “He thought having a nest of dragons near the city would be ‘Fine Varric’. Maker he told me to lighten up because they were just ‘Big lovable lizards’. Lizards! A dragon isn't just a lizard!” Varric was yelling now. “He has so many bad ideas.”

Ellana bit back a laugh. “Oh? I love dragons too. Great big lizards.” She managed to keep the laughter out of her voice and held a casual expression.

Varric stared at her scandalized. “Maker, Ellana please don't become another Hawke.”

She tilted her head to the side blinking like she didn't understand. “What do you mean?”

“I've already explained. Garrett Hawke loves dragons.” Varric looked distraught. “So much so he once asked Flemeth to teach him how to be one and fought through a nest of them. Killed two full grown ones. Delighted in fighting a wyvern of all things! He's obsessed with dragons.” He was pleading. “You know this.”

“Well there's a lot to like. They’re big and scaley for one.” Ellana teased. It was fun riling up Varric.

“I’d care significantly less if you people stopped dragging me into dragon bullshit.” 

“That's half the fun though.” Her composure broke and she grinned.

Varric threw his hands up. “Another Hawke. I’m traveling with another Hawke! And here I thought you had some sense.” She laughed. “Don't drag me into your dragon obsession too.”

“I’m not planning on bringing a dragon home Varric.” She assured briefly wondering if dracolisks counted as dragons. She’d fallen in love with the mounts in the hissing wastes. The creatures were better adapted to the heat. They’d liked the grass of the Hinterlands too. Really they just loved to run and hunt. They reminded her of Hawke as well. 

“I know that look Ellana, and I don't trust it." Varric grumbled. He muttered something else under his breath she couldn't catch. Complaints probably. 

Mother Giselle was everything Ellana remembered her being; Hopeful and humble. She was everything the refugees needed to cling to. She was a pillar of faith in the middle of a war zone and Ellana was sending her away.

It wasn't like she didn't plan to stabilize the area. She knew where the mage and Templar camps were. She knew about the mercenaries and the Carta dwarves was working out of Valmar.

If she played her cards right she might even sway the Carta to work for the Inquisition. Carta dwarves were usually loyal to their pockets and separating them from the blighted lyrium would be a bonus on top of taking them from Corypheus.

A few people in the rogue mage and templar camps might be swayed too if she could catch them alone. Some had escaped the first time she'd raided their camps and been smart enough to evade her later. Those were the ones she wanted. 

She wanted a rogue templar specifically. She’d heard of the demon masquerading as seeker Lucius. She knew some of the templars loyal to the tenants of the order could be swayed. If she could convince one to slip back into the order she could warn them and give them a chance. It was more than they'd had before. Therinfal redoubt had fallen shortly after she'd freed the mages.

The first day in the Hinterlands was spent helping in the Crossroads. To many refugees needed healing to ignore and she'd never been one to stand idle. Varric had ended up pulling Cassandra away to do small tasks for the refugees with a firm 'she'll hex you if you get in the way’. They had gone hunting for food and supply caches with Solas while she yelled orders to refugees. She'd reeked of blood when Varric managed to pull her away. 

She hadn't stayed long slipping away during the night to locate a templar. The one she’d found was a ornery old man by the name of Rowan. He was smart enough to find a way back into the order and stubborn enough to stay for good ones. There’d been a mage as well that she’d been able to send back to Haven; Some kid that had been swept up by the fighting.

They'd planned for her to be in the hinterlands for about week. Clearing out the mage and templar camps took most of a day. The rest was spent on clearing out the mercenaries, marking locations for watchtowers, and setting up camps. She'd sat down with the locals after most of the fighting had ceased to help organize people to repair the damaged homes. People wanted a sense of normalcy. They wanted to live their lives again and they were eager to accept the Inquisitions help. The cult in the hills had taken to expanding the Inquisitions influence and the people flocked. 

Cassandra and the others were eager to move on after the fighting had stopped but Ellana had insisted. The Inquisition wasn't something she wanted defined by a sword. Yes, they would stop the mage templar war. But it was what happened next, how they helped rebuild that was important. People mattered and she wasn't going to leave them to pick up the pieces on their own.

Solas on their last day had mentioned finding an artifact to stabilize the veil. Even with the rifts in the area closed it was stretched thin. It meant pretending she didn't know the artifacts in question but it would be worth it.

She sent wave of ice at the demon guarding the ruins slowing it enough for dalish mage to kill it. She had an air of distrust that clung to her emphasised with her words almost insulting. 

“Easy lethallan.” Ellana murmured moving past her to the ruin. “No one here is going to feed you to the wolf.” She pretended not to notice Solas roll his eyes.

“You don’t bear the mark of the dalish... But you speak the language?” The mage questioned. “You must be young. Or have the flat ears learned to speak?”

She bristled under the insult. “Do you always insult people when you meet them? It seems a dangerous way to live.” Her voice was a low hiss. Her mana crackled up her arms like lightning; dangerous and quick.

The womans steps faltered. “I… Ir abelas. I meant only...” 

“I know what you meant.” She interrupted shaking the sparks off her fingers. “And to answer your question. I left when I was sixteen.” Ellana brushed a hand over the collapsed stone. “I was the keepers first when my brother came into magic. Too many mages travelling together draws templars. The ones up north usually turned a blind eye if we kept it under four.” She pulled at a collapsed pillar with her mana feeling out the shape it had been. Dust swirled at her feet. “Nati would be fourteen now. I missed his birthday this year. Product of Anders blowing up the chantry. I usually make time for him.” She pulled the pillar up to its former place dust and rubble filling the gaps. “I miss him. But I trust keeper Deshauna to keep him safe in my absence.”

“You were dalish?” Solas questioned.

She shrugged. “Does it matter? It’s been about seven years since I left clan Lavellan. I only go back to visit Nati.” She waved a hand at the sconce in the corner summoning the memory of flame to light the ruin. “It doesn’t matter if we’ve grown in the city or with a clan. The only difference is perspective. I’m still a knife ear to humans regardless of whether or not I can recite our fragmented history.” She turned to meet Solas’ gaze. “Nothing I can do is enough for anyone. Too human for the dalish. Too elfy for the humans. Too flighty for an alianage. To dangerous for a circle. I can list all the pointless criteria I don't fit but it doesn't matter.”

“I’m my own as I have always been.” Varric finished with her patting Solas’ arm as he passed him. “How many times have you made this speech again Ellana?"

“Who knows. It's just as pointless as it's always been.” She turned away moving down the stairs. “It won't change anything."

Cassandra raised a brow frowning. “i don't think..."

“Ellana will deny to the end of the earth that her words have changed people for the better. I've been trying to convince her for years.” He sighed following her. "She's stubborn like that."

“That's stupid.” Cassandra shook her head. “Have you known her long?"

“Her clan used to pass by Kirkwall before Meredith went insane.” He sidestepped her question. It was true enough. He'd seen her around before the blight but he hadn't spoken to her before Hawke brought her in. Or rather she and Isabella dragged a cursing Hawke into the hanged man bleeding all over the place as usual. She'd glared him down until he got out the way of her dropping Hawke into his chair and healed the mage without a word. She'd also threatened to set him on fire for distracting her while she worked. She had fit right in. Fenris hadn't even complained… Much. But then broody always complained. 

Ellana had dispatched the demons guarding the artifact by the time they reached the main chamber. The anchor in her hand called for the artifact in a way she hadn't noticed before. She placed her hand on the warm stone activating it and wondering if the artifact had been used to make the veil. It was old enough and it's apparent function fit the theory.

The dalish mage eyed her as she prodded at the artifact. The mana moved with the mark lending to her suspicions. “I should apologize for earlier." The mage frowned. 

Ellana looked back at her. “Your opinion is commonplace among the dalish. I should have expected it.”

“It doesn't mean I was right." She protested.

Ellana nodded. “You know, the Inquisition would welcome you if you wanted. At the very least it could get you in contact with another clan.”

“The Inquisition would do that?” She blinked. “Are they not an arm of the chantry?"

Cassandra snorted. “The chantry has claimed us to be heretics. So no. We are not a part of it.” She rolled her shoulders. "Join or don't it's your choice to make.”

“There's no catch Mihris.” Ellana fidgeted with the mark. She took a breath. “Haven isn't far. It's your choice." She sidestepped the mage and moving past her. 

"And your Templars…” She spun to look after Ellana.

“No one will force you into a circle.” Varric chimed in. “Faust would raise havoc if they did. Look kid. Go, see if you like it. Leave if you don't. I wasn't expecting to stick around but hey here I am. We aren't as bad as people make us out to be.”

She eyed the dwarf frowning before letting out a breath. “Alright. I'll see. I can't guarantee that I will remain in haven. But I'll see.” 

Ellana nodded to herself. “I'll send word to Leliana."

Mihris had fallen last time to the mercenaries she hadn't managed to route out last time. They were already gone from the Hinterlands but new threats could always move in; Like the Venatori had.

It was the threat she wanted to combat now before it moved in. Or rather before it became a problem. She still wasn't sure how Alexius’ time magic worked. Was he already there? Would the past change only when he performed the spell? Paradoxes and time magic wasn't her strong suit. 

Regardless she'd written arl Teagan after the conclave about the mages taking refuge in Redcliffe. His initial reply had been a formal dismissal but all the same he'd sent word of a knight willing to meet her; A Ser Perth. She hadn't told the others yet and she doubted she would until much later.

He was older than she was expecting when she snuck out to meet him by the gates to Redcliffe. He hadn't recognized her but that was to be expected. She'd been careful to hide the anchor and worn stolen circle mage robes. He eyed her through the gate with suspicion. 

“I'll admit when Teagan told me to meet the Herald of Andraste I wasn't expecting a scared little girl.” He crossed his arms.

She let out a quiet laugh. “And I thought I'd hid it well. At least the Inquisition hasn't noticed. Or maybe they're just ignoring it.”

He shook his head. "Not denying it I see.”

“Is there a reason to. I know what's on the line Ser Perth. I'd be a fool not to be afraid. There's so much death and the toll will only grow from here if my suspicions are right. It was why I contacted arl Teagan in the first place.” He narrowed his eyes. “Back home was close enough to the border that the imperium would cross over regularly. You learnt quickly what to avoid or you were taken. There are early signs of being hunted. With the mages in redcliffe as desperate as they are, and the things I remember from the conclave I expect they'll set their sights on Redcliffe.”

Ser Perth uncrossed his arms. "The imperium was at the conclave?"

She let out a breath. “There's a sect of radical mage supremacists called the Venatori. They didn't have much influence back in Kirkwall. But there are signs. People, mostly the tranquil going missing. The skull pedestals in the area. The blighted lyrium being mined near the crossroads. It's easy for a mage to pretend to be fleeing the circle when they were all isolated. It isn't obvious if you don't know how the imperium operates. They're already here.”

He frowned harder. “You're certain that they're already in Redcliffe?”

“I don't have hard proof but I suspect that someone powerful is backing them now. A large group of desperate mages is an easy target.” She shook her head. 

“Then the arl is…”

“Not yet.” She interrupted. “They won't show their face yet. So long as Teagan plays along for now he's safe enough.”

Ser Perth shook his head. “Plays along? This isn't a game herald. If my Lord dies…”

“You think I don't know that?" She shook her head. “I saw the slave runners run though Kirkwall. I saw how they'd spirit the unwanted away in the night. I was also there when Anders blew up the chantry! And when Hawke sentenced him to death! I lived through the breach! I live knowing that I failed the Divine. That I failed my friends. That each life taken in this war is on my hands.” She took a shaky breath. “At the end of the day I am the scapegoat. I'm the one people will blame. Teagan won't die in Redcliffe. Tell him to leave if it looks dangerous and when I get back from Val Royeaux we can work together to reclaim his home. So long as he doesn't engage a direct fight against the Venatori he'll win.”

Perth paced. “You're going to let them take Redcliffe.”

"No.” She held his gaze. “I'm going to let them think they've won. So people will see the threat coming.” She sighed. “I don't have a lot of credibility yet. I'm a heretic the chantry is still disavowing. Even if I know what's to come who will listen? I don't have hard proof. Everything went up with the temple of sacred ashes and the Divine.”

“Will your own people not listen?" 

She shook her head. “The Inquisition may not seem it but it isn't fully united right now. I have enough influence to help them reach a unified decision quick enough but without a proper Inquisitor progress is slow. I can't risk dividing it on things I can't fully prove. I barely managed to get our mages and Templars to stop biting at each other's throats. Telling them imperium mages played a part in the Divines death could cause a slaughter. There are children among our mages and it won't matter to the self righteous. I'm not sentencing them to death.”

Ser Perth paused considering it. He sighed. “You would have us abandon our home."

“No, I would have you evacuate the remaining tranquil and those you deem at risk. The Inquisition can shelter them without any strings until an agreement is made with Redcliffe and their mages. You have my word on that. I'll write it down formally if you want.” Perth watched her searching for any sign of a lie. "The skulls I mentioned seeing around the hills." She continued. "It's dark magic. The kind I wish I'd never learned of. They're made by killing the tranquil. Everyone has residual magic and an affect on the fade. The tranquil don't. When a possession is forced…” Her voice shook. She took another breath. “They're using their skulls to find keys to a place that should remain shut.” 

His eyes widened. “I… How do you know this?”

She offered a sad smile. “Kirkwall boiled over in the years I lived there. Blood mages everywhere. Rituals made to kill Templars. You don't want to know half the things I've seen. I don't even want to know.” She gripped Redcliffe’s gate. “I'm not asking you to abandon your people. I asking for you to let me help keep them safe. The Inquisition needs help closing the breach and while we're divided on who is best to help. I can't sit by and let innocent people get caught in the crossfire. Therinfal redoubt is far enough away from civilians. Redcliffe is in the middle of them.”

Ser Perth nodded. “Alright. I'll tell arl Teagan your plan. I cannot guarantee he'll agree with it though.”

She nodded. “I won't force his hand.” The knight turned to leave. “Oh. Before I forget.” The man turned back. “The refugees at the crossroads need a healer. I've requested for one of the Inquisitions healers to come but most are tending to people in Haven. We might not have one to spare. If Redcliffe can send someone the Inquisition will do all it can to protect them and refugees will be grateful.” 

He nodded. “I can send someone in the morning."

Perths healer was an elven woman eagerly welcomed by the people. Despite her doubts people were quick to take to her. Recruit Whittle had even given her a scout to gather materials from the area as she needed them. She fit in well and a little of Ellana’s worries eased as they prepared for the trek to Val Royeaux. 

The letter with arl Teagan's seal came after they left. It was a short letter that was little more than a formality. He was trusting her and she better not disappoint him.


	3. Spiral

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She kept to herself as much as she could on the way back. She stayed out of Varric’s way as well as Solas, Cassandra, and Sera’s. Each day closer to Haven was another drop in the bucket. It was harder and harder to deny she was growing terrified of seeing him. Worried it'd be a repeat of last time but worse.

_ Ellie, _

_ I'm coming to haven. _

 

Hawke's letter had taken her by surprise. She hadn't been expecting a reply but there it was; Four words she didn't want to read in his sloppy handwriting. Maker, his penmanship sucked. But it wasn't her main concern. There was a part of her that desperately wanted to see him and make sure he really was ok. That Kirkwall hadn't chewed him up and that the Templars had left him alone. The other part was dreading it. When she’d left last time it had been a mess. Each day they'd been apart without speaking had seemingly dug the pit of resentment deeper and deeper. He’d been pissed at her and when they were tossed back into the fade everything was worse. between his fears and her own she was certain of one thing. Leaving Kirkwall had ruined everything that meant anything to her.

 

She probably should have told Varric at the very least that she'd contacted Hawke. But she'd kept the note to herself; Reading his words whenever she had a moment to herself and hoping she could fix what she'd broken between them.

 

They were in Val Royeaux when Hawke arrived at Haven. She knew because Cassandra had yelled at Varric until she'd come back from Vivienne's party and put a stop to it. She’d been the one that had contacted him. She’d been at conclave watching out for Hawke and making sure Anders fuck up wouldn't be on his hands. She was the one that hadn't mentioned she knew Hawke. She wasn't going to let Cassandra put that on Varric.

 

Cassandra ignored her the entire trip back as well as Varric. Though it may just have been her avoiding him and he'd looked at her when she'd confessed like shed betrayed him. She had sort of. They had an unspoken agreement to leave Hawke out of things and she'd broken it.

 

She bottled up the regret forcing herself to focus on what had to be done. The Venatori had probably made their move already. Sir Perth might not even remember their agreement. Arl Teagan might not be aware of the Venatori. She had no idea how Alexius’ time magic worked. She only hoped her efforts had some positive effect.

 

She kept to herself as much as she could on the way back. She stayed out of Varric’s way as well as Solas, Cassandra, and Sera’s. Each day closer to Haven was another drop in the bucket. It was harder and harder to deny she was growing terrified of seeing him. Worried it'd be a repeat of last time but worse. 

 

Would he deny they were ever friends? Would he yell? Would he end up at the warden hold again pushing her out of the rift before she could stop him? It was a rising anxiety that her past experiences would repeat themself. She didn't want to face it and when they reached haven and she was free of work long enough to see him… she’d seen him glaring at her from varric’s side and it only cemented that she wasnt ready to face him. That he didn't want to see her.

 

She let herself be swept up in inquisition duties upon returning. She could saw Hawke in passing but it was easy to run past and pretend no one else could run papers to Cullen or help Josephine with diplomats. That paperwork was something she needed to do constantly. She'd created an efficient system of sorts to separate priority work from work that could be delayed. The inquisition had become a cabinet for paperwork no one wanted to do across Thedas. There was always so much and it was a familiar dance sorting through pages. She’d even taken to helping Josephine reply to nobles. Her script was not nearly as neat as the ambassadors but it was legible; Light looping cursive to his overly slanted scrawl.  _ I'm coming to haven. _

 

She let Josephine introduce her to a few nobles for the first time. She’d been grateful for the distraction. Writing up agreements for trade or to use land now would prevent a headache after the inquisition reached its end. Josephine had been delighted after she pointed out a few nobles she knew could be swayed to help. 

 

Cullen and Cassandra had even dragged her around a few times. It had mostly been for troop morale. But she found herself offering suggestions and pointing out places that demons had gathered last time. They’d been Impressed but she’d rejected their praise. She wasn’t some great tactician just regurgitating facts they’d told her much later. It was better to address problems before they happened; Hypocrisy at it's finest.

 

She'd managed to avoid him for almost a week before he finally lost patience waiting for her to go to him. Josephine was well intentioned but Ellana couldn't help cursing how she'd helped him corner her in her office. She couldn't help the repeating mantra that this would be the last time they spoke. That this was the end. That everything would end up like last time. He hated her. That every feeling shed bottled up about him was about to break free and it was going to suck.

 

“Ellana.” He greeted arms crossed. He looked exactly the same as he had that last time she’d seen him; Tired and angry and sad and then he was shoving her through the rift again.  _ “You better close that damn rift behind you Ellana. I won't forgive you if you don’t.”  _

 

She blinked at the memories as her eyes watered. Green everywhere and the stench of death in the air. She shoved the nausea down and cleared her throat. “Hello Garrett.” Her voice was quieter than usual.

 

“Ellie…” She couldn’t look at him. The memory of the demon behind him rising as she lifted the anchor to close the rift clear in her head.  _ “And whos fucking fault is it that we’re trapped in the fade in the first place Faust?! Whos fault is it we’re being hunted by a fear demon?”  _

 

_ “I’m sorry. If I could go back…” _ Corpse after corpse falling at her feet. Carver screaming.    
  


_ “You’d make the same fucking mistakes because that's what you do. You ruin things.”  _ He hadn't truly meant it. It was fear talking. But demon had known her own fears. It had felt real. She could feel hands on her shoulders. “Ellana? Ellie look at me damnit. Hey come on Ellie, you know I'm shit at this.” He pulled her into his chest as she sobbed. “Shhhhh, it's alright. Everything’s gonna be ok.” 

 

“I'm sorry."

 

_ “Sorry isn't going to change anything.” _

 

Waking up when she didn't remember falling asleep was strange. She didn't remember moving to her bed or even entering the little cabin they'd given her. Nor did she remember starting a fire. 

 

“... What the fuck that was Varric.” Hawke’s voice cracked. 

 

“I don't know. I barely see her Hawke. She doesn't exactly stop working. She drops by to check in and leaves before I can ask her anything. She avoided me the entire way back dammit. I don't know what she's thinking anymore.”

 

She could hear him sigh. “I don't know what I'm doing Varric.” His footsteps made the floor creak. “She was terrified. She looked right through me and she was terrified. It was…” She heard him sigh. “It was like mother when Beth died." 

 

“I don't know what to say Hawke.” Varric's words were quiet. “You know I'm shit at this.”

 

“You and me both. Look, I know I said I was leaving but..."

 

“I get it. You want to write junior or should I?"

 

“I'll do it. Just later.” She could hear him pace. "Just tell the seeker I'm sticking around. Im not leading this crusade but I'd like to make sure Ellana lives through it.”

 

“Alright.” The door opened. “Good luck Garrett.”

 

There were cobwebs on the ceiling. She'd been scared of them once but somewhere between Kirkwall and the inquisition she'd lost that fear. Probably all the times Hawke had cleared the big ones from the pit he called a mine. She could remember him telling her once that she didn't really need to fear the big ones. She could see them coming and was fast enough they couldn't kill her. Small words that shouldn't have been comforting drawled in an accent that grew when he was tired.  

 

She sat up waiting for him to notice her. He offered a lopsided smile when he did. “Hey." He sat down beside her. 

 

“Hi." She didn't look at him focusing on the cobwebs. 

 

“so… how's the Inquisition going?”

 

“It’s growing. More people show up every day.”

 

“Yeah…” His voice was soft. “About your letter..."

 

She closed her eyes. “It was a stupid idea to write it. I hoped you wouldn't show up but… Deep down I guess I knew you would.”

 

“Ellana you weren't even there when we killed corypheus. You couldn't possibly have recognized him.” He rested his hand in hers. 

 

She felt a lump in her throat. “I… Hawke.” She looked over. “It’s hard to explain and I know you won't believe me but…”

 

“Try me Ellana. How much weird shit have we done together?” 

 

“This isn't the first time I've worked with the Inquisition to close the breach. I've done all of this before. I've played herald for the inquisition and it didn't end well. You died. Half of Haven died. The more I tried to help the more I did wrong. In the end it was just me and a broken inquisition and a qunari invasion that lead to an even bigger problem. Because the whole reason the breach was made was because some idiot wanted the veil to fall so he could bring back the elven empire.” she held her breath.

 

He blinked. “So that was a bit weirder than I was expecting.”

 

“You don't believe me.” She stated pulling her hands away.

 

“Honestly? It's a lot to take in. But you aren't one to lie.” He turned her face to look at him. “So I'm guessing there's a lot of magic involved."

 

“In Redcliffe right now there's a pair of mages that developed an amulet that could bend time. I kept it for some reason. There was a woman in the fade. She used it to send me back to the conclave.”

 

“So those rumours about Andraste..."

 

“I don't know who she was. But regardless you should leave.”

 

"We haven't even unpacked the Corypheus stuff and you're telling me to go?”

 

She took a breath. “The conclave was his work." 

 

“We killed him Ellie.”

 

“He controls the blight Hawke.” She swung her legs off the bed. “They locked him up because he uses the blight to remain immortal. Its like Flemeth and her daughters. A vessel for a soul. He wants to open the fade and reach the black city. Claim the Makers throne as his own. So he's corrupted the wardens and triggered a false calling to get it.”

 

Hawkes eyes widened with realization. “Lanarius…” He whispered. “He…” Hawke stood up and began pacing. “Shit." 

 

“Yeah." She agreed.

 

“Shit.” Hawke ran a hand through his hair. “And when you fainted…”

 

“I watched you die to fear demon. I don't know how much of what I remember was the demon or you. But we weren't on the best of terms. When I left after Anders…”

 

“Things between us festered." He completed. "Look I’ll write Carver and warn him about the wardens. But I'm not leaving the inquisition.” She nodded holding her arms. “Tell me everything you know. It doesn't matter if you think I'll believe it. I want to hear.” He knelt down in front of her. “If you say you did this before Ellie. That you ran off and dealt with the fallout on your own. That it ended badly. I'll believe all of it just let me help.”

 

Hawke had been a constant shadow since their talk. Whether he was by her side helping her heal wounded soldiers or leaning by the door of the war room. As a result he'd followed her back to Haven to check on Ser Perth instead of going ahead with Krem. It also meant Sera and Varric had also stuck around.

 

Seeing Ser Perth in the crossroads waiting for her was unexpected. He hadn't sent word. She'd been prepared to contact him when they arrived. Instead he caught her as they checked in on the refugees waiting for the swarm of people that thanked her as they passed to move. The village militia had sent a scout to report on places she'd asked about and the novel length report shoved into her hands was proof of it. There'd also been a Carta dwarf waiting in the wings. It was far busier than she'd been expecting but in a good way. 

 

She pulled the knight aside to a quiet part of the crossroads when she finally managed to escape the crowd. Ser Perth looked more warry than he had before. 

 

“You were right." He sighed. “I'm not sure how but you were right."

 

She frowned. “I'm sorry.”

 

“I was away from Redcliffe when it happened, moving people away like you said too. The tranquil and children mostly. There were a few mages. When my men and I returned it was…”

 

"It was like the imperium had been there since the conclave.” She offered a sad smile. "Fiona offered meet the Inquisition in Val Royeaux. I expect she's also forgotten. From her perspective it never happened.”

 

"What is going on Inquisition? It took all I had to convince Teagan that we spoke to you about this. I think an explanation is in order.”

 

She took a breath. "Magister Guaren Alexius has indentured the mages for a man he knows as the elder one. While I understand his motivations. I can't excuse his actions.” Ser Perth frowned. “His son Felix is dying and he believes the elder one will save him. So he's used his old research into time magic to take Redcliffe's mages.”

 

"Time magic.” The knight scoffed.

 

"Can you deny it?” She cocked her head. "Alexius  seemingly showed up moments from the creation of the breach when you remember otherwise. There's a rifts opening up near the castle with the fade so warped areas around it slow while other quicken. I can go on.”

 

"You knew all this would happen.” He accused.

 

“Would have believed me if I told you I'd already been sent through time?” She stared him down. "It's barely possible. I've only known three people to be capable of it. One of which is currently in Redcliffe.”

 

"What are we to do then? Can we fight an enemy that can turn back time and redo things at will?” Perth looked exhausted.

 

“Yes. It was why I asked you to let Alexius take the castle. We should be able to ambush them. Let them think they've won. Alexius will call for me.” 

 

“You sound certain of that."

 

“I have something the elder one wants.” She held up the anchor. "Alexius will call me for his master." She took a breath. "There's things I need to do before we're ready. A quick trip to the coast to grab people to help and confirm something about the elder one. In the meantime keep an eye out for Felix. He doesn't follow his father and I need him.”

 

Ser Perth nodded. "And Teagan. Will he be welcomed in Haven for the time being?”

 

She nodded. “I’ll send word ahead. The Inquisition will welcome him as it does everyone.”

 

Meeting Blackwall or rather Tom went as expected. He knew nothing about the wardens as expected it wasn't like he was one. She’d let him wear the mask for now. She sent him back to Haven with a letter for Leliana before setting out for the coast; A short report on following a lead on the wardens by the coast and recruiting the bull’s chargers. 


	4. Coup

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Maybe I'm no different Alexius. Maybe I'm just a hypocrite on the other side of the war. But know that this won't end well for you. Even if I lose.”

She’d spent a lot of time on the Storm Coast last time. She’d practically grown up on edge of the Waking Sea and the salty air had brought her comfort when things had gone wrong. It was part of the reason she’d jumped to accept Krem’s invitation despite her hesitation to invite the Qun into the inquisition. 

 

When they reached the coast it was like returning to Kirkwalls docks. Sure it lacked the grime and the stench but it felt like home. But she’d felt herself perk up just being there. She'd jabbed Hawke in the side for teasing her about it. Varric had been less enthused. There were more hills and cliffs than he liked and water and rain and at least a dozen things she'd tuned out. Hawke had attempted to placate him at camp with card game while she tended to their horses. 

 

“Soooo. You and scruffy huh?” Sera drawled leaning against a nearby tree. She long since given up on the game. Varric had taken her money first. 

 

“Sorry?” She paused in her brushing to look over.

 

“You know. Big, magey, beard, arguing with dwarfy about cards.” Sera waved a hand in their direction.

 

“Oh, Garrett. He’s a friend.” She returned to her horse. What had Dennett called it again? Freya. She was a beautiful horse but far too fussy. She missed her dracolisk Delphi. All she had to do to please it was toss it a rabbit. 

 

“Uh huh, ‘friend’.” Sera rolled her eyes. She made a face as Freya sniffed at her.

 

Ellana snorted. "I'd be over there playing cards with them. But I'd rather not deal with garrett pouting because i took all his money... Again.” she patted her horse. “He can sulk for days.” She watched Hawke toss his cards down and stand up. “And he sucks at wicked grace. Varric isn’t much competition either." 

 

Sera snorted. "How'd you two even meet? I mean Hawke is fun and you're all…” She waved a hand. 

 

“Boring and serious?" She smiled. “It's not a very interesting story. He hired me and I had to stick around for a bit. Then Garrett decided I'd stuck around long enough that I was officially his friend and hasn't left me alone since.” He tended to collect friends. “He does that you know. And he's hard escape from. First it's a job, then he's knocking on your door in the middle of the night telling you there's a dragon infestation in his mine again.”

 

“Wow. You make it sound like I'm some sort of leach Ellie.” He draped over her shoulders. “Isabela hired her as a scout to find some sort of treasure on the coast. Only the treasure we found had a bloody vicious apostate guarding it, and my usual pain in the ass healer had elected to stay home. So me, Bela, Varric, Fenris, and Ellie here had to fight off this lunatic blood mage. Bastard kept summoning demons and when we finally cornered him,” Garrett waved his arms nearly hitting her as she ducked away. “, He stabbed me with a fucking rib bone. Right in the stomach. A rib bone!”

 

"It was a little lower than that Hawke.” Ellana corrected. “And to the right." She tapped his waist where she knew the scar was. 

 

He snorted grabbing her hand and pressing a soft kiss to her fingers. “Anyway, it fucking hurt and Ellana put me back together. I'm still impressed you managed to heal me while Fenris was yelling at you for hiding that you were a mage.” He squinted. “There was quite a bit of it. Though the blood loss makes things a bit blurry.” He shrugged.

 

“If I was easily distracted by yelling I'd be a lousy healer.” She rolled her eyes. “You know how many people are babies at handling pain." 

 

“We also kept her around because she can beat bela at cards.” Hawke mock whispered. 

 

She pulled her hand free of his taking the time to to flick him in the nose. “You just like it when I let you win after beating everyone else." He grinned.

 

It was raining when they reached Iron Bulls camp following the yells of the chargers on the beach below. It had never made sense to her why the Venatori were on the storm coast. Had they followed Bull? Were they chasing after keys? There’d been a few scattered but Solasan had never seemed worth the price. So much running around for a place where demons slept. may be there was more to it she was missing. It was something to consider later when they actually reached the Western Approach.

 

It was easy enough to dispatch the Venatori. Mages always relied to heavily on magic quick to write off anyone with a staff as useless without. Hawke had once told her it made decking them in the face more satisfying mid fight. She could admit to taking a page from his book to this day.

 

It hadn’t taken long before the chargers were cleaning up and Bull was waving her over. She nudged Hawke towards the chargers in a less than subtle attempt to get him to assess them. Sera and Varric had already started poking at them. But Hawke usually went his own way.

 

Bull had gone on to betray the inquisition when they went after Solas. He’d been a different man after the chargers had died. Personally she put no value in the Qun but Cassandra had deemed it worth sacrificing the chargers. But that had been a different and more desperate time. The inquisition had begun crumbling long before corypheus had been defeated. She’d make that choice before it became an issue this time.

 

He waved her over. “So youre with the inquisition, huh? Good to see you could make it. Come on have a seat drinks are coming.” He rolled his shoulders.

 

She shook her head. “A little wet for that, I think.” He laughed. “You have quite the reputation Bull.”

 

“Yeah the chargers are a good company. Were expensive but were worth it… And I’m sure the inquisition can afford us.”

 

“We can, and i agree about your company. But I meant you specifically. If it was just the chargers I was getting it would be an easy yes accepting your offer.” She admitted. “But you're coming with it and if I'm not wrong you're one of the Ben Hassrath agents Qunaris keeps sending.”

 

He blinked. “... Keeps sending?” He shook his head when her only answer was a raised eyebrow. “You're not wrong about that. The Ben Hassrath are concerned about the breach. Magic like that could cause problems everywhere. My orders were to join the inquisition, get close to the people in charge and send reports. But I also get reports from agents all over Orlais. I can share them with your people. I was going to tell you up front but you beat me to it.”

 

She nodded. “It would have come out sooner or later anyway.” She glanced back at her companions. “Look I’m interested. But knowing what I know about the Qun I feel the need to let you know a few things. First your reports are going through Leliana. If they dont we remove you from the inquisition.”

 

He nodded like he expected that. “Understandable. What else?”

 

“Just a warning. when it comes to it and it will. I will choose my people over the Qun every time. You're not the first agent to infiltrate the inquisition nor are you the last. when the Qun decides to make a move we are ready for it Bull.” She offered a hand to him. 

 

“Alright. I can work with that.” He nodded. 

 

Hawke watched Bull order his men to pack up. The chargers followed orders well with minimal complaining. They respected Bull and it was apparent. “Sooo. "  He nodded towards Bull. “You tell him..?"

 

“Yes?”

 

“... He can shove his horns up his ass?"

 

“Er… no." She made a face. “He'd enjoy that I think..." She out a map of the coast dotted with x’s; Locations of warden camps mostly. “Leliana wants his reports so we have better access to orlesian politics. I gave him a warning but I doubt he needed it. He wants an invasion as much as we do.”

 

The wardens had left traces along the coast. A series of camps and lost journal pages belonging to a warden marching to his death. They’d done little but confirm what she’d known from the start. Hawke had taken it with a restrained amount of cursing. He was quick to suggest sending a team to locate them with an explanation of the events to come. She’d given orders to the Blades of Hessarian before they left.

 

Taking Bull to redcliffe was more an intimidation tactic than anything. She wasn't planning on reasoning with Alexius so there was no point in attempting to be palatable. She had more than a fair amount of distrust for magisters and even knowing his motivations did nothing to ease it. The desperate were always the most dangerous.

 

Varric and Hawke were less optional companions. Both had insisted on following her. Redcliffe's mages and Fiona didn’t remember their invite. Instead they lead them to the tavern again.

 

“So an Elf, a Qunari, a Dwarf, and a Human walk into a bar.” Ellana muttered.

 

Hawke snorted. "Sounds like the start of a bad joke doesn't it.” 

 

"This whole meeting is a joke. Alexius like any Magister won't listen and then we'll have to start a coup and steal the mages away like children in the night. A shame I'm not still dalish. The tales would be fitting.” 

 

"The dalish don't really steal people away do they." Varric scoffed.

 

“Their whole deal is wanting to be left alone. Kidnapping is the opposite of that.” She rolled her eyes. "So, no dalish kidnappings. It was a tasteless joke. I did manage to contact Nati and my old clan. They responded better than I was expecting.” She flopped into a chair in front of Alexius not bothering to look at him. “You’d they'd give me the cold shoulder after being named Andraste's herald.”

 

“Ah herald." Alexius greeted. She looked over to see his eyebrow twitch a bit. She grinned. “How nice of you…”

 

“Let's cut to the chase shall we Alexius." She interrupted. She’d taken her time getting to the tavern on purpose under a farce of easing minds as she passed civilians. She’d been counting the Venatori but that wasn’t important. She needed him to know his time wasn't important to her; That he didn't matter to her. “I know how this is going to go down. And that haven't you even told Fiona the outcome is set is frankly insulting. Indentured servitude is no more a gift than the blight is. How many people do you expect to live through this? How many children will be offered as sacrifices in the the name of a Lord they can't follow. Will the survivors even be allowed to leave after? I wonder.”

 

Alexius choked struggling to keep face. "Why herald…”

 

"What is she talking about Alexius?" Fiona cut in. 

 

Ellana tossed her hair over her shoulder. “You've signed a contract that makes you fodder for a war you don't want to fight. Alexius here has conscripted you all to die a horrible painful death.” She held his gaze. "Haven't you Guaren.”

 

"That is nonsense. I've done no such thing.” He snapped.

 

"And yet.” She glanced back at the tavern door. “Say, how long ago was it your son was blighted?" 

 

“That is uncalled for herald! Felix has no part in this.” He slammed the table with his fists.

 

“How desperate do you have to be to follow a mad man?” Felix stumbled through the door staggering towards them. She stood catching the man as he pretended to collapse. “You can run all you want Alexius.” She pocketed Felix’s note. “But I know what you've done. How long are you going to pretend you can go back and fix it?” She passed Felix off to his father. “Maybe I'm no different Alexius. Maybe I'm just a hypocrite on the other side of the war. But know that this won't end well for you. Even if I lose.” She turned on her heel and motioned for the others to leave with her. 

 

“Was it wise to taunt him like that?" Bull asked.

 

“Maybe not. But we don't actually need him.”

 

"Wait, wait, wait. We're actually starting a coup?”

 

“No need to start one when ones already begun.” She pushed the doors of the chantry open.  


	5. Ticking

 

The chantry was filled with demons as more and poured through a growing rift. Dust kicked up by the mage at the heart of it swirled through time fissures slower and faster than the air around it. Ellana sent a wave of frost across the stone that climbed the demons touching it. Hawke sent a following bolt of mana at a terror that had missed her trap impaling it in the throat. The rest were dispatched quickly by Varric, Bull, and the mage while she worked on the rift. 

 

When she’d closed the rift the first time she’d had no idea what the mark did. She’d just waved her hand and it was done; Rift closed, no more problems. She’d taken it for granted. She still didn't truly understand it prodding Solas for answers when she could but she knew it better now. 

 

The mage eyed her and her companions curiously. She nodded a greeting. "Dorian Pavus, A pleasure to finally meet you."

 

"Should I even ask how you know my name?” He shook his head his brows furrowing. 

 

Bull shook his head. “You really need to stop doing that. It’s kinda creepy. First with me, then the chargers, then the magister, now this. Do you have eyes everywhere or something?”

 

She hummed. “Who knows? It’s almost like I’ve done this before.” 

 

She counted the seconds as her words sunk in. Bull was still grumbling about cryptic mages when Dorian got it. He shook his head. “You're going to have to explain that to me later.”

 

Ellana cracked a smile not answering. "Felix will be late. I pissed off Alexius maybe a few minutes ago.” She took a seat in one of the scattered pews and gestured for him to do the same.

 

She took time to fill Dorian in on her agreement with the arl of Redcliffe and his knight in the time it took Felix to arrive. He'd stayed quiet about it for the most part only cutting in with questions. How did she know about the Venatori? How did she get the arl to agree? Was the range of the amulet really that small that anyone outside the walls wouldn't be affected like those within? How had she predicted that alexius would use it? For the most part she dodged his questions. It was too long a story for Redcliffe.

 

She'd more or less caught Dorian up on what she knew when Felix showed up. He eyed her visibly tired. “Father almost didn't leave. I thought I'd be stuck in the castle all night.” He sighed.

 

“My bad." She stretched. “Antagonizing him was necessary.” She gestured for Felix to sit down. “He gets impulsive when he's angry. Playing coy, acting like interacting with him is a chore…” Felix nodded. “I do have a plan in place to take back Redcliffe castle. But it hinges on alexius being reckless and inviting me inside.”

 

Bull snorted. "And he's just going to do that after you spent all day insulting him?”

 

“Yes." She caught his gaze. “Alexius is a puppet to a man known as the Elder one, and more than anything he wants me.”

 

Bull narrowed his eyes. "Why?"

 

“Because I stole the key that opens the veil.” She raised the mark. "Alexius will invite me. Because his life and Felix's rely on pleasing the elder one.” She paused. "It's going to be a trap. So the goal is not to avoid it, but to use it.” 

 

Her plan had been in action long before she'd even stepped into the Hinterlands. She knew Alexius’ hand and the majority of Corypheus’. She knew the goal of the dread wolf and what the qun wanted. It felt… draining and powerful. 

 

She'd become the one carving a new path. She was the one at the helm of the inquisition leading them along a path paved with bones. In all but name she'd become the authority she'd rejected the first time. She had the power in her hands that could decide who lived or died. 

 

It was hard to decide whether it was a blessing or curse. It wasn't something she felt she could never fully share with anyone. There would never be enough of her to grieve what she failed to protect last time and without mourning those lost could she move on without them.

 

Returning to Haven was less of an ordeal than expected even with Dorian. Arl teagan would be arriving later with his knights and people had grown used to seeing Hawke. People had come to expect her going in and out of Haven regularly. The newer refugees gawked a bit and there was always whispers of the herald of Andraste. But there was no scene that followed her like there had been the first few weeks. 

 

She kept herself busy whether it was helping mediate peace talks, or one of the war council, or checking in on her inner circle. Solas tended to lurk around haven main healer as well as the library beneath the chantry. Vivienne mostly stuck where the nobles were. Bull and Blackwall were near the gates. Hawke was usually harassing Cullen and varric or helping Sera with a prank. In truth there were far too many people to keep up with. 

 

Her advisors had their own conflicts. Josephine with questions on how she would be presented to the world. Leliana with questions of faith. Cassandra with questions of leadership. And Cullen had begun weaning himself of lyrium; something he hadn't explicitly told her but she'd noticed the symptoms nonetheless. She did her best to support them with kindness and compassion. She had watched them fall apart last time without it. 

 

She’d spent the part of the morning running back and forth between people preparing for hawke and the chargers to infiltrate therinfal redoubt and for the inquisition to take back redcliffe. She’d run through the plan at least twenty times and past cullen and cassandra just as many. She could feel their stares as she passed despite neither saying anything.

 

“You know when they said you never stopped working I thought they were exaggerating.” Bull drawled.

 

She rolled her eyes. “The Inquisition is far too large for it's administration. Our requisition officer is good but she doesn't prioritize.” She shuffled through requisition orders. “Or rather she prioritizes the wrong things and it's annoying.” Thren tended to push military requests faster than anything else. Weapons didn't sign peace treaties. Swords couldn't be eaten by the starving. It was why she pushed most of them herself.

 

Bull snorted. “Riiiight.” He rolled his neck. “I'll admit, I wasn't expecting you to use me and the chargers so quickly. Not with the warning on the coast herald.”

 

“Ellana.” She corrected passing her papers to one of leliana's agents with a few short instructions. “What the human phrase again? Keep your enemies close…” She hummed a small smirk gracing her face.

 

Bull frowned. “Not that I can complain but that's not always the smartest move.”

 

“Lucky for both of us it's not the real reason. There's very little the inquisition is doing right now that can't be learned from outside it.” She stretched. “And like you said you and the chargers are good at what you do. Using you to intimidate a tevinter Magister makes a plan I already had more effective. The chargers are skilled enough to keep up with Garrett as well. I don't have to worry as much as I would with any of the inquisitions men. Most of the people here aren't used to being sent into difficult areas, and those who are aren't used to working as a group. Garrett knows what dangers to expect at therinfal redoubt. Ones I won't risk saying here.” She took a breath. "There's already so much riding on these plans working. im not about to risk more than I have to.”

 

He nodded. “So these risks…”

 

“It's nothing Hawke hasn't faced before. The chargers should be familiar with them as well. It's the specific conditions and stakes that are the issue. As well as a friend who might make himself known.” 

 

“And this friend…”

 

“Bull, it really is safer if I don't say. Hawke will take care of your men. I understand you can't trust a plan you don't know. But it will be alright. There are at least a dozen backup plans.”

 

He frowned. “If you say so herald.”

 

“It's just Ellana, Bull.” She reminded. 

 

“Ellana.” He eyed her. “it's the same with Redcliffe too. There are things you aren't saying. As far as I've been able to tell you’re expecting something big.”

 

She nodded. “I'll be briefing everyone when we get to Redcliffe.”

 

Bull snorted. “A need to know thing huh?”

 

“Not really. It's just easier to show than explain.”

 

“Fair enough." Bull nodded. He was done prodding her for answers; At least for the time being.

 

She let herself pause for a while longer watching Cullen and Cassandra run drills with new recruits. It would be a while before any of them were ready. Most hadn't looked twice at a sword before the inquisition and most wouldn't be wielding one outside of training. It was a strange mix of mages and refugees working with Templars and soldiers. 

 

She'd started the bi-weekly training as an effort to bring the clashing mages and Templars to something constructive. Mages could learn to defend themselves when magic wasn't an option and Templars could volunteer to teach with Cullen and herself. It wasn't exclusive to the two groups. Refugees with no fighting experience had started joining in. Ordinary soldiers had started giving pointers. But more importantly people started talking. There weren't accusations being thrown back and forth like there had been. There was still distrust but it was manageable. 

 

In truth she didn't believe in the circles or that an order of Templars under the chantry could work. Living in Kirkwall had shown her enough abuses of the order. But it had also shown just how dangerous magic could be when pushed as well  as how unprepared Thedas was to accept magic.

 

As an apostate she had no love for the circle or Templars. They'd caused more problems than they fixed in Kirkwall, and cornered the circle mages until they were so desperate to resort to seeking out demons. The harrowing initiation to the circle left mages open to possession. Tranquility destroyed people and had been used in malice. Anyone close to the tranquil before would have little choice but to watch the person they'd known become a shell. She'd had it happen to a friend though his situation was different. 

 

The other side she was considering wasn't the Templars or the chantry's. It was the civilians of thedas who'd been spoon fed propaganda about the two factions. It was the ordinary person ignorant of the truth. If she let her heart chose, if she didn't allow the Templars a place. Would it not be another Dales? Like with the Homeland Mahariel won for the dalish after the blight, it would all be destroyed. Thedas had a bad habit of rioting at major change.


	6. Returning

Arl Teagan arrived in Haven a day after Alexius’ invitation to Redcliffe. He looked like he’d seen better days but that was to be expected. He’d kicked out of his home and his people once again were in danger. She stared into tired eyes from her place on the corner of Josephine’s desk. Josie was busy wrangling the nobles for Hawke’s mission so the office was hers for now.

 

“Arl Teagan," She greeted. “, I wish we were meeting under different circumstances.”

 

He nodded an acknowledgement. “You and me both herald. I can't say I'm happy that you were right about the Venatori.”

 

“I wouldn't be either. The Inquisition has a plan that would retake Redcliffe castle from Alexius if you're interested in the details.”

 

He snorted a laugh. "You wouldn't be the first to. How many years was it since the warden took it back for Eamon?” He sat down. "I believe I helped her and your spymaster sneak into the castle too.”

 

“Along with a qunari and a witch.” Leliana mused entering the room. “I will admit I'm not sure how Ellana convinced you to come to the Inquisition, but we are glad to have you here..”

 

“She contacted me after the conclave with suspicions of tevinter involvement.” He drawled. Leliana raised a brow. “The early warning was appreciated. With it most of my people got out of there without a scratch.”

 

"And the Tranquil?” Ellana prodded.

 

"Came with us.” He answered.

 

She let out a sigh of relief. “Thank the gods."

 

He eyed her. “You care for them?"

 

“They're people. They don't deserve to die.” Not to mention she'd known people made tranquil and she'd seen what the Venatori did to them. There was no excuse for letting that continue. The tranquil we're an easy target for abuse and she wasn't one to let that stand.

 

“Your opinion seems to be the minority dear. Most would consider it a mercy to kill them. Not that I agree.” Dorian cut in from the chair behind her. He’d claimed his seat early pestering her with questions she hadn't answered. “Are we ready to kick Alexius out yet? I do hope you're not planning to leave me behind. You were incredibly vague when I asked before.”

 

"I don't have a death wish Dorian.” She rolled her eyes. "You're the one who knows him best. I doubt I'd be prepared to face him without you.” He was also the one who knew the amulet best. Without him she'd be trapped in a doomed future, like the one she'd come from.

 

He preened at the compliment. "Yes well, people have been known to make bad decisions.”

 

“I’m not in the habit of making suicidal ones.” She summoned her report from the table ignoring the comment from Dorian about using her hands. They had bigger concerns than her using magic for simple tasks. “You should know. We’re working on two plans at the same time. Hawke is taking a small team to therinfal. I’ll be handling Redcliffe with Dorian here, Bull, and our resident expert in weird magic Solas.” Her motivations for bringing Solas more related to his actions as Fen'Harel than his area of study.

 

Dorian snorted. “And here I thought that was me.”

 

“I’d recommend using Leliana’s men to take the castle itself back. They're more than capable of slipping in undetected. Your knights can enter through the front gates after.”

 

“You talk like you expect no trouble herald.” Teagan drawled.

 

She shook her head. “I expect a lot of trouble actually, which is why you're going to wait an hour before following me in.”

 

She avoided talk of time travel during the briefing. Dorian and Leliana picked up on it but had played along. The resulting agreement ended with Teagan making only minor changes to her plans. They wouldn’t affect what she knew would happen; What had happened when Alexius had thrown her forward in time. The future they’d see despite the changes she’d already made. 

 

Leliana had asked her about her foresight into the tevinter take over of Redcliffe once Teagan was gone, as had the others. They were all eager to know what she couldn’t tell them. It wasn’t that she didn’t trust either of them. But Leliana was the type to send agents to look into things and it was bound to alert Solas if they actually turned up anything. She also wouldn’t believe the tale without proof and her proof didn't exist yet. Or rather it was it was in Redcliffe with Alexius. 

 

Dorian had commented on her lack of surprise at being sent through time. But he was also unphased if the nervous rambling he was doing was anything to go by. The world in this future was uncomfortably close to her own. People she cared for we're sick or dead and despite her efforts there were always more and more demons. It was hard accept but it was real. She'd been fighting for years and this… This was nothing. It was just another timeline she'd failed.

 

“This is real Dorian." She cut off another desperate attempt to explain their situation. Leliana wouldn't want to hear it. She didn't want to hear it. She gripped his wrist until he looked back at her. “We can go back. But that doesn't make this any less real. This future is real. The future I came from was real. This doesn't cease to exist simply because we leave. The people who don't... They have to keep living this. They have to go on. We have to go on knowing what's at stake if we fail and what remains after we succeed.”

 

His eyebrows furrowed. “It's almost like I've done this before..." He murmured quoting her words from when they'd met. “You were sent back in time." He said carefully. "That's how you knew who I was. That's how you knew Alexius would send us here. How far in the future are you from Ellana? Why did you come back? What happened?” 

 

She stared at the ceiling, or rather the red lyrium that grew out of it choosing her words. Solas had happened. But she couldn't tell Dorian yet. She would eventually but being vague would be best for now. 

 

“The elder one created the breach and we defeated him. Then the man behind him showed his hand…” Solas watched her, his gaze curious but impassive. If she didn't already know he was Fen'Harel she wouldn't have noticed how he twitched at her words. “Six years after the breach was created I followed him, like fool chasing something impossible.” She let go of Dorian to pace. “I failed. I ended up trapped in the fade staring down a god. I kept the amulet Dorian.” She stopped and looked back at him. "I kept it as a constant reminder that every mistake I’d made was final. That when everything was over I'd be judged for everything I failed to protect, and  _ she _ sent me back like I was some child that had broken a tea set instead of the world as a whole.” She waved a hand. "Go to your room, think of what you've done. I am…” She let out a shaky breath. “If it was a spirit, Andraste, or some other god, I don't know. But I am at her mercy as I've always been.”

 

“There is another guiding this massacre?” Leliana stalked forward. "And you knew?"

 

She let her head hang. “Would you have had me say it from the start? Would you have believed me?” She countered. “It’s… He isn't in league with Corypheus.”

 

"But he caused this?! And you just hid it. For…” She shook her head. “No, it doesn't matter.”

 

"Revealing who he is could ruin all the plans I’ve put in motion to stop him. He’s in the inquisition. He has been from the start. His agents are everywhere. I can't show my hand in my timeline. But here, in this timeline it doesn't matter, because he is just as screwed as the rest of us.” She stalked onward a few paces before stopping. “The only two people that know the whole story are me and Hawke and it’s going to stay like that for quite a while.” She could hear Bull curse behind her.

 

“And the chargers…? You knew exactly what they were facing.” Bull stated.

 

"A demon impersonating seeker Lucius, Envy. In my time the chargers were sent after we returned to Haven, after the demon fled.”

 

Bull shook his head. “But why send them now?”

 

“Because I believe in giving people a chance Bull.” She stood straighter. “And I know Corypheus will use the templars if I don't. With the inquisition the Templars can do some good. With him they'll die or be turned into mindless lyrium addled monsters.” She continued down the hall towards Alexius. “We should hurry. It won’t be long before Corypheus shows up. Half an hour maybe.”

 

She didn't flinch when they killed Alexius. Somewhere between yelling at Dorian and confronting Alexius she'd grown numb. With the fade and the red lyrium pressing on her mind and with the death surrounding them. It was easier to just stop and let instinct take the reins. There was so much death and suffering all the time. The experiments and rituals in Redcliffe, the prisoners, the slaves… She'd seen it all a hundred times and it never got easier. She could stare into the glazed eyes of what was once Felix and ask when this became normal. She could watch as her friends prepared to die and wonder when there'd be time to mourn them. If there would be time.

 

There was never enough time.

 

She could watch the man she'd just killed crumple and admit defeat. She could listen to him ask what would become of his son. She could watch as Teagan filed in with his men, taking back his castle. As the mages turned to her for guidance. 

 

She didn't want this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for being patient with me. This chapter took so long because I kept getting side tracked by later chapter events. So I've written things like the epilogue and other major events like my resolution to the Solas problem, an alternate solution to Corypheus problem. 
> 
> On the bright side I only had the vaguest of ideas how I was going to resolve the plot points of this fic when I started rewriting it and now the whole framework is laid out. Yay! There's a whole plan! 
> 
> Thank you again for reading. I love comments and would like to hear more from you all.


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